Sheila D. Boynton, LSW, MDiv, CTCP, CAMS-I

Hello Soul Family,

As we usher in 2025, people are creating New Years Resolutions. Yes, it is a perfect time to evaluate how we want to move differently in 2025. What worked in 2024? What did not work in 2024? What relationships do I need to focus on more? What mistakes did I make in 2024 that I do not want to repeat? What did I learn about myself in 2024?

 But I am not one to make New Year’s resolution. I’ve vowed to not get another gym membership unless I’ve already committed to an exercise regimen. I’ve learned the hard way (and research) that New Year’s resolutions often fail because we set overly ambitious, vague goals without a concrete plan, we lack accountability, we underestimate the efforts required, and we don’t consider the “why” behind the desired change. This leads to a loss of motivation and a quick return to our old habits. I left behind the fleeting pressures of New Year’s resolutions to embrace the power of purposeful goal setting. Unlike resolutions, which often fade by February, goals are a roadmap to achieving our long-term visions.

So, I invite you to commit to meaningful changes or habits by creating goals for 2025. Shifting from resolutions to goals is a powerful way to focus on obtainable progress. Here’s how to do it:

1. Start with Reflection: Self-reflection is a process of thinking about yourself, your thoughts, behaviors, and motivations. It’s a way to take an honest self-assessment of yourself and your actions, to identify areas for improvement. Reflect on the past year to identify what truly matters to you. Think about what worked, what didn’t, and what you want to carry forward. Think about the relationships in your life. Do the people in your life add value to your life? Which habits or practices helped you feel more alive, and how can you carry them into 2025?
2. Focus on Values: What truly matters to you? Aligning your goals with your core values ensures that each step you take is not only productive but also fulfilling. Remember, we don’t want to just check boxes but create goals that are fulfilling and purposeful. When your goals resonate with what you hold dear, they become more than just tasks on a “things to do list.”
3. Evaluate relationships: The relationships in our lives can significantly impact our journey toward achieving personal growth. By assessing which relationships nurture or hinder our progress, we can make informed decisions about where to invest our time and energy moving forward. What is one way you can prioritize your healthy relationships over material achievements in 2025?
4. Be Specific: Break your goals into clear, actionable steps. Instead of “stop shopping so much,” try “declutter one area of my home each week” or “practice gratitude daily.” Rather than stating “I want to get fit,” specify instead “I will exercise for 30 minutes three times a week.”
5. Set Intentions, Not Deadlines: Focus on your direction rather than rigid timelines. For example, aim to take small steps consistently rather than “achieve XYZ by March.”
6. Celebrate Small Wins: Celebrate progress and victories, no matter how small. This helps maintain momentum and reinforces positive habits. How will you celebrate the small wins on your way to achieving larger milestones?
7. Check In Regularly: Revisit and refine your goals throughout the year to stay on track and adjust to new priorities.

 JOURNAL PROMPTS

• What habits or behaviors do I want to cultivate or change in 2025, and how will they improve my life?
• What is one area where I can show myself more self-discipline or self-compassion?
• If I imagine myself at the end of 2025, what will make me proud of how I spent the year?

THE SOUL’S CORNER…

1. The Midlife Marriage Tuneup, by Catherine Pearson in The New York Times.
2. “The Let Them Theory” by Mel Robbins. A must read to break the exhausting cycle of trying to fix, manage and control everyone and everything around us!
3. “The Six Triple Eight” movie is a true story written by Tyler Perry highlighting the legacy of the first and only all-Black, all-female battalion to serve in WWII.

Thanks for reading The Soul’s Newsletter!