Sheila D. Boynton, LSW, MDiv, CTCP, CAMS-I

 Hello Soul Family,

Have you ever opened the refrigerator to get something, but forgot what you were looking for? Or perhaps you’re doing household chores, but can’t finish one room because you get distracted by something in another room? Am I the only one who can be working on a project, but an email notification popped up on the screen so now you’re responding to emails causing a spiral into a myriad of other tasks? I know I’m not alone…

In a world full of distractions, staying focused can feel like an impossible task. Just a few months ago, I found myself juggling countless tasks, responding to endless notifications, and constantly feeling overwhelmed. Despite being busy from morning to night, I reflected on where I had accomplished the goals, I’d originally set out to accomplish. That’s when I realized something had to change. I recalled a phrase coined by Stephen Covey – “the main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing” – from his book Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. The quote’s message is that focusing on and putting effort into the most important goals will help you accomplish them.

That’s when I created the mantra “keep the main thing the main thing.” It’s a simple but profound reminder to prioritize what truly matters (like finishing this article instead of browsing through Macy’s Black Friday Deals). By focusing on our core objectives (the ‘why’), we can cultivate a sense of clarity and purpose that propels us forward. But, keeping the main thing, the main thing requires us to say ‘no’ to the less important things, distractions. When I say ‘no’ to scrolling on social media, I am available for the things that really matter and have greater long-term fulfillment.

When we do keep the main thing the main thing, we are able to:

• Prioritize effectively – Maintain our focus and attention on what truly matters and fulfills us
• Achieve meaningful outcomes – Increase our productivity to achieve desired goals
• Reduce stress – Eliminate unnecessary worries by focusing on essentials.

Here are a few strategies to help you “keep the main thing the main thing,” whether in relationships, work, or your personal life:

1. Clarify Your “Main Thing”

• Define Priorities Together: Sit down with your partner and identify shared values, goals, and what truly matters in your relationship.
• Write It Down: Keep a list of your top priorities visible (e.g., a note on the fridge or a shared app) to remind you both of what’s important.

2. Set Boundaries

• Say “No” Strategically: Avoid overcommitting to external demands that could distract you from your goals.
• Protect Time Together: Reserve uninterrupted time for activities that strengthen your connection with family or partner (e.g., date nights or shared hobbies)- this is a great strategy for creating ‘me time.’
• Limit Distractions: Establish phone-free zones or times to focus fully on each other (or yourself).

3. Simplify When Overwhelmed

• Eliminate Non-Essentials: Let go of tasks, obligations, or routines that don’t align with your main goals.
• Refocus When Distracted: When tensions rise or you feel off track, ask, “What’s the main thing I need to focus on right now?”
• Prioritize Presence: Be fully engaged in the moment rather than multitasking.

“If I’ve learned one thing, it’s this: when you focus on what truly matters, you achieve more than you ever thought possible. Today, I challenge you to identify your ‘main thing’ and make it your priority. Trust me, the results are worth it.”

JOURNAL PROMPTS

1. What does your “main thing” look like right now?
2. What is your “main thing” for the remainder of the year?

THE SOUL’S CORNER…

• Brene Brown’s podcast with Dr. Amishi Jhan on Finding Focus and Owning Your Attention   You can listen to this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or wherever you stream podcasts.

• Alex Cross. You don’t have to be a crime show fanatic like me to appreciate this series. It grabbed me in Episode One. You can watch it on Prime Video.

Thanks for reading The Soul’s Newsletter!