There is Power in the Word – ‘NO’
Sheila D. Boynton, LSW, MDiv, CTCP, CAMS-I
Hello Soul Family,
I recently was invited to facilitate a workshop at a weekend retreat, which I would love to attend. While I wanted to accept the invitation because I love networking and presenting empowering messages to women – a “NO’ is in my spirit. I did not immediately respond, but after evaluating what was required of me (time, energy, travel & finances), I eventually responded with — “NO” but thank you for the invitation. I’ve declined invitations in the past and if I’m honest, it isn’t always a cut and dry decision. But, to create the space that matters and aligns with our values, we have to learn the power of ‘NO.’
Let’s be real—most of us have a complicated relationship with the word “NO.” It’s only two letters, but it can feel like carrying a whole mountain on your back. As a therapist, I’ve found saying ‘NO’ is one of the biggest obstacles to clients setting boundaries, to prioritize their lives or to make their wants a priority.
Often we hesitate to say ‘NO because we don’t want to disappoint others, cause conflict, or seem selfish. So, we pile on more commitments, more obligations, more yeses than our hearts, energy and calendars can manage. Not only do we struggle with saying ‘NO’ to others, but we also have a challenging time telling ourselves ‘NO.’
But here’s the truth: every time you say “yes” when you really want to say “NO,” you’re abandoning yourself. Think about that for a second.
- Saying “yes” to a party invitation you don’t have energy for is saying “NO” to getting rest.
- Saying “yes” to a toxic friendship is saying “NO” to your own peace.
- Saying “yes” out of guilt is saying “NO” to your freedom and right to choose you.
We’ve been conditioned to believe that “NO” is rude, unkind, or unspiritual. But in reality, “NO” is holy (at least I believe it is). It’s a declaration that our time, energy, and spirit are valuable. It’s a way of saying, I trust myself and love myself enough to honor my limits.
Here’s the shift: “NO” isn’t rejection—it’s redirection. It’s not about shutting people out, it’s about making space for what really matters to you. ‘NO’ is an affirmation of personal responsibility. It doesn’t mean I don’t love you or don’t like you, but it means I cannot always be influenced by what you want.
“No” says, “This is who I am; this is what I value; this is what I will and will not do; this is how I will choose to act. We love others, give to others, cooperate with others, and please others, but we are always and at the core, distinct and separate selves. We need ‘NO’ to carve and support that space.”
Why “NO” is Powerful
Saying ‘NO’ is about being honest with yourself and others. It might feel uncomfortable at first, but the long-term benefits are worth it:
- Prevents burnout: Overcommitment is a fast track to burnout and stress. Saying no protects your mental and emotional health by preventing you from taking on more than you can manage.
- Builds confidence and self-respect: Every time you say ‘NO’ to something that doesn’t align with your values, you reinforce your self-worth.
- Creates freedom: Freedom comes when you’re no longer held hostage by people-pleasing or overcommitting.
- Creates space for what matters: By declining invitations and obligations that don’t serve you, you free up time and energy for the things that truly matter to you even– if it’s binging your favorite show.
Try This Out
This week, practice pausing before you automatically say “yes.” When someone asks you for something or invites you to do something, ask yourself:
- Do I have the energy for this?
- Does this align with my values? My time? My finances?
- If I say yes, what am I saying “NO” to?
Sometimes the answer will be yes—and that’s beautiful. But other times, the kindest and most powerful thing you can do is say “NO.” And remember, you don’t owe anyone a novel of excuses. “No, I can’t.” is a complete sentence. “NO” without an explanation is your right.
Soul Family, “NO” is not the end of a story—it’s the beginning of a healthier story. Each “NO” you speak makes room for the “yeses” that actually align with your desires, values, and goals. So, this month, let your “NO” be bold, unapologetic, and freeing. Because when you honor your limits, you honor your life.
Soul Truth Journal Prompts
Take a few minutes this week to reflect:
- Where in my life am I currently saying “yes” when I really want to say “NO”?
- What has not saying ‘NO’ costs you most recently?
- What fears or beliefs make it hard for me to say “NO”?
THE SOUL’S CORNER…
- Give me 21 days, and I will change the way you see your money by Michelle Singletary in The Washington Post.
- Highest 2 Lowest. Movie: When a music mogul (Denzel Washington) is targeted by a ransom plot, he must fight for his family and legacy. You can check out the trailer here . You can see the movie in a theater near you or at home on Apple TV+. It’s a MUST-SEE!!!
- How to Be Less Busy and More Happy, by Arthur C. Brooks in The Atlantic.
Thanks for reading The Soul’s Newsletter!
