Sheila D. Boynton, LSW, MDiv, CTCP, CAMS-I

Hello Soul Family,

If you’re anything like me, you’ve made a mistake or two in your life (okay, maybe more!). Or perhaps you made a commitment to do something such as exercise more or eat healthier, only to find yourself skipping workouts or eating Oreos (my favorite comfort snack). Then, here it comes — self-criticism and judgement.  What I realized recently after a defeat with two Oreo cookies, is when we make mistakes or fall short of our goals, it’s easy to be hard on ourselves. It can be easy to default to self-defeating thoughts.  However, I also realized the power of choosing self-compassion. Choosing to see my own humanity and imperfections.

Choosing self-compassion instead of self-criticism can be challenging at times, especially for individuals who grew up with criticism and judgement. Negative internal voices of the past can influence how we treat ourselves today.  But when we choose self-compassion, we acknowledge that making mistakes is a natural part of being human. Instead of dwelling on our faults, we learn to forgive ourselves and grow from these experiences. Practicing self-compassion allows us to acknowledge our humanity and imperfections without judgment.

Here are a few strategies to make self-compassion your choice:

• Treat yourself with the same love, kindness, care and understanding you would offer to others. Just as you offer a listening ear and a helping hand to friends and family in need, remember that you too deserve that same level of empathy and support. Embrace your flaws and imperfections with grace, knowing that they are what make you beautifully human.
• Cultivate a habit of positive self-talk. This choice empowers us to know that we are worthy of love and acceptance just as we are. By practicing positive self-talk, we can cultivate a deep sense of self-love and acceptance.
• Practice self-forgiveness. When we forgive ourselves for missteps, we free ourselves from the burden of guilt and shame. This act of self-forgiveness enables us to cultivate a kinder relationship with ourselves and promotes emotional healing.

So, remember, Self-compassion is a Choice! Be kind to yourself. Forgive your shortcomings. Treat yourself with the same compassion you would show to others. Afterall, choosing self-compassion is the gift you give yourself to lead a more fulfilling and happier life.

With self-compassion, kindness and gentleness, Sheila

JOURNAL PROMPTS

1. How has self-criticism impacted your self-esteem and mental well-being?
2. How can you reframe mistakes or setbacks as opportunities for growth and learning?

THE SOUL CORNER…

The Busy Trap, New York Times written by Tim Kreider

Declining An Invitation Without Ending a Relationship by Nedra Tawwab

Watch MONSTER on Netflix. It is a relevant unfortunate reminder of our judicial system’s position towards the imprisonment of Black men. But it also highlights courage, faith, and hope in the face of adversity.

Thanks for reading The Soul’s Newsletter!