Self-forgiveness is Important for a Meaningful Life

Forgiveness. The word that many struggle to embrace. Forgiveness can be extremely hard when someone has offended you or hurt you. It is difficult to let go of the anger or resentment. But self-forgiveness can be just as difficult. How we perceive our mistakes, failures or setbacks is often attached to a value or belief about ourselves. Yet, self-forgiveness provides an opportunity to see your  own humanism, therefore, positions us to see the humanism of others. When we make mistakes or don’t meet self-imposed expectations, we are harder on ourselves than anyone else could ever be. When a relationship doesn’t work – it’s our fault. When our children misbehave, we react in a negative way, then beat ourselves up for overreacting. Self-forgiveness can be liberating and empowering because it helps us to detach from any negative thoughts that we have about ourselves and our lives. The idea of self-forgiveness is to forgive yourself for past mistakes and move on. It is a way to free yourself from the guilt and shame that you place on yourself.

What is self-forgiveness? Self-forgiveness is the act of forgiving oneself unconditionally. It is the act of releasing oneself from blame, guilt, or shame.

Self-forgiveness is looking yourself in the mirror and seeing a person who is human and will make mistakes. Self-forgiveness is an opportunity to grow from past mistakes. Self-forgiveness is refusing to live life looking in the rear-view mirror that keeps you from moving forward. Self-forgiveness enables us to separate who we are, from the mistakes we have made. This way we can begin to learn from our choices and find ways to make changes when possible. Self-forgiveness is a demonstration of self-acceptance, self-worth and self-love. Self-forgiveness is a process that happens over time, not overnight. So, be patient with yourself and the process.

Why won’t we forgive? The lack of forgiveness of self and others, burdens many of us with the heavy weight of shame and the destruction infused by deep-seated resentments. It starts from our unwillingness to forgive ourselves. We often believe subconsciously that we are undeserving of love, respect, acceptance, appreciation, and the right to live a life where we walk in peace, joy, harmony, and abundance. Somewhere along the line, we adopt the ideas, rules and regulations of society to determine who we are. Thus, we are so often misguided by who others say we are, that we stop trusting and believing in our own inherent worth. We begin to believe that we were ‘not good enough.’  Or in our adoption of other peoples perceived value of us, we become mere fragments of our possibility. When it comes to loving ourselves, many of us fail to do so just because we are clothed in someone else perception of us.

Why does self-forgiveness matter? What is the relevance you may ask? In many instances  our feelings of inferiority, inadequacy manifest as a controlled presence in us that tend to leave us empty of all that is possible including self-forgiveness,  However, when we learn to release and set ourselves free from the negative impacts of shame and guilt, we can then learn to live more productively and happy in our existence.  But it all begins with self-forgiveness.

Practical Steps to Self-forgiveness

1. Admit when you make a mistake. Denying the mistake will only give the mistake more power. Forgive yourself for past mistakes. You did the best you could. You will continue to do your best. You don’t know what you don’t know.
2. Learn from your mistakes, failures and setbacks. Identify what you learned from the mistake. Be specific so that you can prevent the mistake in the future.
3. Examine how you perceived a certain situation. Remember the thoughts we think create the feelings, and it is our feelings that create our interpretations of the situation.
4. Appreciate the lessons that have contributed to your growth and made you who you are now. Many of our greatest mistakes have contributed to our greatest life lessons and possibilities.
5. Accept yourself and your humanness – you are not supposed to be perfect. Forgive yourself for not being perfect. Forgive yourself for expecting yourself to be perfect.
6. Let go of past-future thinking, stay in the ‘Now.’ Remember that everybody is doing the best they can with what they know ‘Now’, and that includes you.
7. Be patient with yourself. It is easier to forgive others than to forgive ourselves. Trust the process. Be compassionate towards yourself. Give yourself the grace you extend to others.
8. Are you ready to forgive yourself? Self-forgiveness can be a difficult process, but it is worth the effort if you want to find happiness in your life.

It is important to forgive yourself because it helps you to let go of guilt and shame that can be holding you back from your true potential. Self-forgiveness also helps you to stop living in the past and start living life to the fullest.