Sheila D. Boynton, LSW, MDiv, CTCP, CAMS-I

Hello Soul Family,

So often I speak with clients about the hurts and disappointments experienced in their relationships, especially romantic relationships. What I’m finding is our emotional and mental health is especially compromised because we have a challenging time letting folks off the hook! More importantly, we struggle letting ourselves off the hook. I tread lightly but intentionally on the “F word – FORGIVENESS!

Forgiving people who have hurt us isn’t always easy. But it is a profound act of self-love.  When we forgive, we don’t just let go of the past – we make space for a future filled with possibility, connection, and joy.  Why? Because unforgiveness weighs us down. It becomes the spiritual cholesterol that clogs our hearts preventing us from showing up in healthy ways in relationships. Forgiveness is necessary for freedom from our pasts. When we hold onto feelings of resentment, anger, or bitterness, we imprison ourselves. True liberation comes when we are able to let go of the past and embrace the present with an open heart.

Not only is forgiving others important, but self-forgiveness is equally if not more important.  When we learn to forgive ourselves for our own shortcomings, we can be more forgiving towards others. But self-forgiveness is a process that takes time and requires awareness. Start by acknowledging the part you might play in your own pain. Next, recognize what you need in order to heal. This may include taking care of your needs, telling the truth about your feelings, or seeking professional help.

Finally, we have to let go of the idea that forgiveness means condoning harmful behavior. Forgiveness is about removing barriers so you can move forward with your life and feel better again. True freedom can only be found through forgiveness where hurt is harbored. When we hold onto anger, resentments, or a need for revenge, we only end up imprisoning ourselves. Forgiveness is an act of courage and strength, not weakness.

JOURNAL PROMPTS

1. What does it mean to truly forgive?
2. What are some common barriers to forgiveness?
3. How can forgiveness transform difficult relationships and heal past hurts?
4. Who do you need to forgive? Who do you need forgiveness from?

THE SOUL’S CORNER…

1. Netflix documentary “Tell Them You Love Me” is a complex film around race, sexuality, and disability. A good watch!
2. Forgiving What You Can’t Forget by Lysa Terkeurst. Available at Amazon.com.
3. Relationship Reciprocity by Nedra Tawwab (great therapist and boundaries scholar)

Thanks for reading The Soul’s Newsletter!