Sheila D. Boynton, LSW, MDiv, CTCP, CAMS-I
Hello Soul Family,
We live in a world that constantly tells us we need more – more money, more success, more likes, more approval. It’s no wonder so many of us spend our days chasing validation from others, hoping their acceptance will quiet the inner noise. In my work with clients, I often see people chase worth and fulfillment in all the wrong places — jobs, relationships, status, social media likes, and academic or career success. They believe that once life looks like “enough,” they’ll finally feel like enough. But healing happens the other way around.
Healing is a gradual unfolding – a process of realizing that the sense of “enough” you’ve been chasing isn’t external; it’s already a part of who you are. Here’s Secret #1 that most people overlook – you were enough before you ever tried to prove it. We came into this world already carrying value, even if the world sought to dehumanize or diminish many of us by our race, gender, or ethnicity. Unfortunately, somewhere along the way, many of us learned to measure our worth by how well we keep up – with people, with timelines, with expectations. We’ve been taught to measure our worth by external standards, and the trap of comparison becomes the compass.
It’s easy to compare your behind-the-scenes to someone else’s sixty second highlight reel. But it’s not about what others have – it’s about what you’ve been taught to believe you lack. Comparison convinces us that worth and value lives somewhere else – in someone else’s story, success, or season. It whispers that if we just tried harder, did more, or looked different, then we’d finally feel like “enough. “But comparison isn’t really about them – it’s about the story we tell ourselves in those moments. Comparison is often a mirror of our unhealed beliefs about our worth. Avoid the trap of comparison.
Secret #2: redefine your relationship with more. More is a never-ending chase with no finish line. Think about it. When was the last time you achieved something you were working on for months and the feeling of accomplishment lasted for more than a few days? Yes, you were grateful to accomplish the goal. But often times the excitement fades away, and we’re off to chasing the next thing – releasing the happy chemicals in our brain. Instead of constantly chasing more, focus on what it means to be content with what you have in the present moment. Otherwise, we are training our brains to link fulfillment with striving and productivity instead of being and having.
Secret #3: ‘enough’ is not one-size-fits-all or fits-most. What’s ‘enough’ for me may not be ‘enough’ for you — and that’s not a flaw; that’s the beauty of individuality. I love the uniqueness of humanity. We all carry unique experiences, values, capacities, and seasons that shape what fulfillment looks like. Therefore, we each get to define ‘enough’ based on our own values, not on societal demands and expectations. When you reclaim what ‘enough’ means for you, comparison loses its power. You stop asking, “Am I measuring up?” and start asking, “Does this align with who I am and what matters most to me?” What is your ‘enough’?
Secret #4: ‘enough’ is an inside job. The sense of “enough” is rooted in self-worth, self-trust, and self-acceptance — not in what we achieve, own, or receive from others. When we rely on external validation to feel ‘enough,’ we give others the power over our peace, joy, and happiness. Their approval becomes the thermostat that controls our emotional climate. That’s why so many of us find ourselves mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and sometimes financially exhausted – constantly chasing something we can’t sustain, because we’re trying to fill an internal space with external things. Spiritually, this is where grace lives. The awareness that you are already equipped, already loved, already chosen – not because you’ve proven yourself, but because you were created with purpose.
- You are enough.
- You have enough.
- You’re becoming exactly who you’re meant to be.
“Enough” is not a finish line you cross. It’s a home you return to – again and again – until it feels safe to stay there.
Soul Reflection
- What are you telling yourself about yourself?
- What voices need to be silenced to heal negative beliefs about your worth?
- Where in your life are you comparing yourself to others?
THE SOUL’S CORNER…
- Exhausted? The reason may be how you’re using technology by Kara Alaimo in CNN Health https://www.cnn.com/2025/10/07/health/digital-exhaustion-solutions-book-wellness?
- Growing Through What We Go Through, by Rebecca S. Heiss Ph.D., in Psychology Today.
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