Hey Soul Family,
I was reading through some old notes the other day, just reflecting, and one thing kept jumping out at me – how many of us want to be somewhere different in life but we’re not actually changing anything. We say we want change. We pray for change. We get tired of the same cycles, the same conversations, the same emotional weight. But if we’re honest, sometimes we don’t actually change anything. Sure, we’ll say, “I’m tired.” “I’m unhappy.” “I want something different.” But then we keep doing the same thing, thinking the same thoughts, staying in the same spaces, yet we’re expecting something to shift. And here’s a truth that might feel a little uncomfortable, but need to be said: If nothing changes, nothing changes.
I’ve learned we are really good at naming what’s not working. That job? Draining. Our relationship? Complicated. Unfulfilling. Friendships? One-sided. And hear me, those things are real. People do hurt us. Systems can be very unfair. Life does throw curve balls we don’t see coming. And before we know it, we’re focused on what they’re not doing; how they’re not showing up and what they need to fix. But staying stuck in blame or waiting for someone else to change for you to be okay, keeps you tied to the very thing you’re trying to be free from.
Here’s the question I often ask: “What about you?” Not in a blaming or shaming way. But in an honest way because sometimes we’re looking at everyone and everything else instead of looking at ourselves. I remember in graduate school in the MSW program we had these T-shirts that said: “Agents of Change.” And at the time, it felt powerful like yes, we’re about to go out here and help people transform their lives. But now? I think about that differently. How many of us are actually being agents of change in our own lives? Not just for everybody else, but for ourselves.
Are you preparing for change or just replaying it in your head? Let’s not sugarcoat it. Change sounds good, until it gets real for us. Thinking about change and moving toward change are two different things. Because one leads to growth. The other keeps you stuck. I see this all the time. We’ll rehearse and replay the same situation over and over again. Imagining what life could be like. But, change happens by working, not wishing. It requires courage, strategy, work, honesty and yes, discomfort. I’m not saying this is easy. But I am saying it’s possible.
Here’s the truth about change to consider:
- Courage – to face what you’ve been avoiding
- Strategy – to move differently, not just feel different
- Work – consistently with intentional effort
- Discomfort – stretching beyond what’s familiar
- Honesty – a real evaluation of where you are and how you got there
You don’t have to change everything overnight. Just start somewhere. Stop waiting for life to shift around you. Stop waiting for them or it to change for you to be happy. The moment you decide to move differently change starts to happen. Because the truth is still the truth: If nothing changes, nothing changes.
Journal Prompt for Reflection:
- Where in my life do I keep saying I want change, but haven’t acted?
- What is my role in the patterns I keep experiencing?
- What have I been blaming others for that may actually require my own decision or boundary?
- Where am I staying because it’s familiar, not because it’s healthy?
- What is one uncomfortable step I can take this week toward growth?
THE SOUL’S CORNER…
- Why We Get in Our Own Way and What to Do About It, by Robyne-Hanley-Dafoe Ed.D., in Psychology Today.
- How to Start Changing What’s Not Working, Robyne-Hanley-Dafoe Ed.D., in Psychology
